Last week

So much for starting a workout routine. I completely forgot about it as soon as I published that last Post. Had the laziest 3 day weekend. And got out of breath walking the kids to school this morning.

Ugh! Why is it that I can remember to take my BBT every morning when the alarm goes off, I can remember to take my vitamins, I can remember (mostly) to drink my coffee, I can remember to play a dang phone game every day, but I can't for the life of me add a damn exercise routine to my schedule?

Depression is weird. But I'm fighting it. I will continue to fight it.

Busy busy

It's been awhile since I felt like writing. So much going on as we head into the last week (partial week) if the school year. Trey had a birthday, a party, a field trip. Alex had a sick day and now a field trip. Work is good, but we're getting a new principal next year and I'm not sure how i will do the sub thing if the new person is not on board with me doing recess and subbing. Guess I could quit the recess and straight sub but I really enjoy getting to see the kids at their fun times. I'd miss it. Which is funny because for a long time I didn't want to do this kind of job, I was afraid of being overwhelmed by it. I'm so glad for the progress I've made with my MH. It's really amazing how far I've come in the last year or two, and especially the last few months since I ditched BC.

I'm hopeful that the end of school will mean I can work on adding an exercise routine to my day. If I'm gonna wake up at 615am to take my temp for my FAM chart I might as well hop on the Gazelle before the kids wake up! As this just occurred to me I'm suddenly very excited about adding it in the morning. I'll start this weekend!

Here's to the beginning of a productive summer!

Mother's Day

My temp is still up, I'll test tomorrow if it doesn't drop.

Meanwhile, #2 is screaming about cracking eggs and I'm not sure it safe to go down stairs yet.

He just stomped up here to ask if I wanted to eat upstairs or down. That's my cue to get out of bed ❤️

They made me eggs & toast and even made my coffee. #2 had already gotten me a little potted flower & #1 went out and picked me a couple as well. DH headed for work and the boys and I get to chill at home today.

We ended mother's day by going to TX Roadhouse. 55 minute wait to be seated. They wouldn't take our coupons because of the holiday, half my steak was over cooked, & they nearly forgot my chili. It actually was better than that sounds 🤣

I sure love my boys!

(BFN Monday morning)

Conflicted

I don't know what I'm feeling. Could be PMS, or ... I'm conflicted. My husband is miserable at work and wants to quit. I want to be pregnant but if he's gonna be starting a new job it's suddenly not a good time. I could start my period tomorrow or the next day or I could end up taking a positive test and be holding a 4 month old baby this time next year...

I have never both wanted & not wanted my period to show with equal fervor. So much conflict in my head, my heart. I'm breaking apart.

Patience... I wish!

Still enduring the 2 week wait. Sort of. I ordered a box of tests with no rush shipping so that I could test as soon as they arrived (providing my cycle hadn't arrived). So much for that plan. They're arriving today. Now they will mock me for at least 5 days before I can test. I'm so impatient already, this will not be good for my head.

Two Week Wait

Three higher temps in a row. Pretty sure I ovulated. And from my charts we timed intercourse almost perfectly. I know CW agreed to try for baby so a baby will be welcome but with work ramping up he's very distracted and shuts down conversation any time it bring it up. He doesn't care about logistics, or 2 week waits or pregnancy tests. I want to scream from the rooftops and tell everyone I'm in the 2 week wait but I know it's better to hold this to myself. Sure we timed it right and I'm healthier than I've been in quite awhile (mental and physical) and it could happen perfectly, but I also know that it doesn't always happen right away. It's so weird, I've never actually tried to get pregnant before. No planning, no research, no 2 week wait, just BAM! you're pregnant! It's a strange new world. I'm not sure I like this feeling. I'm so impatient, so desperate to know if we succeeded. How can I possibly wait 2 weeks?!

I'm doing my best but with this 3rd high temp confirming my ovulation I'm suddenly very aware of every twinge in my body, any sign. Of course all the early signs of pregnancy are also the same symptoms I get for PMS so it won't help me to dwell on anything I might feel. Real pregnancy symptoms won't start until after a test gives me a positive. For now I'm reading all I can, assuming it will take more than one cycle, and just trying not to pin my hopes on one lonely little (fertilized?) egg traveling down my fallopian tube. It'll happen, or it won't and I won't know for at least 2 weeks.

I have found that I am not a patient woman.